Motherhood is a role that always has and always will be fraught with challenges, for some many more than for others. Most of us manage to do pretty well in spite of them.
Here’s to all the Moms of the world on Mother’s Day.
Wishing you much strength and love.
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What Must Be Done
- The human heart was not designed to beat outside the human body, and yet, each child represent[s] just that — a parent’s heart bared, beating forever outside its chest.
— Debra Ginsberg, Waiting: The True Confessions of a Waitress
I
Jessie writes a poem for her unborn child
and hands it in to me two weeks late.
Dear Aurora Leigh, you will be all mine.
I imagine her on the school bus,
hands folded across her growing belly,
eyeing garage sale signs. We have enough
saved for two months’ rent, she tells me,
believing the old story about how
she will manage by waitressing nights.
She sees the clean formica counters,
hears coins jangling in her apron pocket.
II
Evenings I read posts from the other moms.
We search for group homes, part-time jobs
through the DRS, routes of the ADA bus,
reliable aides. No matter how much
we put away, we worry it’s not enough.
Our sons are 20 or 30 and still can’t
tie their shoes or cut their own meat.
We fight off visions of their tiny rooms
with single beds, graying men alone
with memories of us. In our dreams
they are still small. They wander away –
we call out for them until we wake.
III
Our mother raised us on borrowed time,
close to death at 35, then resurrected
and chained to a machine. It was not about
making a choice. Rx bottles filled two shelves,
tubes and needles the others. In constant pain,
she cried behind the closed door of her room.
Foods became poison –chocolate, oranges,
even too much water. Still, she managed
a small office, baked cakes and cookies
for us, denying herself without a word.
Only when we had grown and gone
did she let herself lie down in sleep.
IV
After a night of spring rains I slip out
for the morning paper. Small paw prints
cross the driveway, and stones are strewn
over the walk. I imagine a dark form
rooting through the bushes, seeking refuge
as her time draws near. I see her stop
and raise her head, sniffing danger
and moving on, the stripe of white
along her back catching moonlight as
she works to do what must be done.
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